paul anthony stewart

 without limits

 soap opera weekly (july 6, 1999)

GL's Paul Anthony Stewart has learned to let nothing stand in his way—especially fear.

An artist might find Paul Anthony Stewart a worthy subject on this dreary afternoon in the West Village. He's nestled in a booth at a quiet cafe reading a book and looking awfully serene and reflective. To his right, the street; a cold rain is falling. To his left, a burning fire. He greets me warmly and puts his book away. What follows is not an interview, but rather an effortless conversation that is both relaxed and revealing.

My first observation for Stewart: He looks so rested considering he recently relocated to New York from Los Angeles to play Guiding Light's hottest new character, Danny Santos. "I always remained open to New York and daytime," he says. "I put it out to the universe to go wherever I need to go. That is the life of an actor—always having a suitcase in the closet and ready to go. I have always been attracted to that. It is a great life. I really just settled here this past week. I had been going back and forth between here and L.A. I am reconnecting with my friends. I really haven't had that much free time to relax. I love reading a good book. I love to go to the movies. When I am not working, I take it easy. That replenishes me and recharges my batteries. That is the difference in how I live now and how I used to live. Now my downtime is for myself. I feel rested."

When Stewart left Loving in 1995 (he played Casey Bowman) and moved to Los Angeles, he admits he was a different person. "I think I am more comfortable in my own skin now," he says. "I have had time to have a life. I feel open to things and whatever comes my way. [I've learned] not to judge anyone, and to be open to the possibility that something could be right for me without me even knowing it. It's funny: I think I thought I had all the answers before. Now I am more comfortable with not knowing where my life should go. I trust the universe. The right path will reveal itself. It is a lot more enjoyable. I am happier now—not that I wasn't happy."

Stewart can be deep, at times profound. He has a way of putting a stranger instantly at ease. He has a friendly face—a sweet, soulful face—and it's a challenge to find out exactly what's going on in that head of his. While Stewart may want you to think he reads like an open book, he still comes across as incredibly private, an enigma.

He talks about his spiritual journey, for example, but doesn't get too specific. "When I left Loving, I needed to have a life—you know, live my life, do some traveling, because I find it's my life experiences that enable me to work at my greatest potential, so I have something to bring to my work. As terrific as those two years (on Loving) were, I was working so much that I didn't have much of an opportunity to have a life."

"I saw a lot of California the past couple of years," Stewart continues. "It's a beautiful state. I really fell in love with it. If only the business didn't have to occur in Los Angeles, it would be quite a beautiful place to live. It's one of the most beautiful coastlines I've ever seen in my life. I have fantasies of living up in the Sonoma Coast. It's so peaceful and just awe-inspiring.

"I traveled to New Mexico and spent some time with Planet Earth," he adds. "New Mexico has such a mystical energy to it, and it has such a powerful bit of American history. It was really something to experience, to get a feeling of the spirits that walked that part of our country. I went to France, and did a lot of theater in my time off here, which was really wonderful in terms of energizing my batteries and providing some difference experiences, different characters."

Stewart says he's a city boy, but he did get very accustomed to the L.A. lifestyle. "I had a grapefruit tree in my back yard that bloomed twice a year. It's the neatest thing in the world to have a grapefruit tree in your back yard," he says with a smile. "I could grow vegetables and actually eat them. And having a lot of space was a nice change. It was a bit of a rude awakening to come back to New York and realize how much I had to downsize my life again. I rented a house in L.A. Do you know how easy it is to fill every drawer and closet in a house? If you have the space, you will fill it, and suddenly I'm coming back to an apartment and I had to shed almost all my earthly belongings. But it's been very freeing, actually, to realize, 'I don't need this, and I don't need this.' There's very little that I actually need.

Stewart can't get over how much New York has changed in recent years. "The rents have skyrocketed," he notes. "New York is really becoming a place where you have to be banking on Wall Street to afford living in the city. I know so many actors who used to be able to afford living here, who are now being forced to move out because they just can't afford it. It's sad, because it's the artists and actors and writers and musicians that add to the city. Now Disney is taking over Times Square. I kind of liked when the hookers and crack dealers were roaming the streets; it added an element that said, 'This is New York, and if you can't handle it, stay out.'

"It's amazing that as young as we are, we're talking about the good old days when New York had character," he adds. "People who have lived in the city longer than I have talk about the good old days; the city just evolves (Mayor Rudolph) Giuliani can try his hardest to keep a seedy element out of Times Square, but they're irrepressible. They're going to go somewhere else; they're not just going to disappear."

Stewart grew up in Philadelphia, and knew very young that he wanted to become an actor. "I always tried to entertain people with performing in plays at a young age. Although initially it was for attention, which is mostly the case for actors," he says. "Over the years, as that need has decreased and become healthy, it has become more of a profession and a calling than a venture. It is an expression of creativity. I think as my life has evolved my reasons for doing it have changed. I think people change professions many times. I will be an actor for life. The kind of work that I will do in the realm of acting will always change depending on where I am in my life and what I am trying to get out of my life."

He is the middle child of three boys. "Yes, I have the Jan Brady syndrome!" he says with a laugh. "It wasn't too bad. My brothers are very special to me. We certainly had our antics. We had our years of not getting along, as most siblings do. The nice thing about adulthood is learning how to let go of childhood grudges."

He has learned to let go of a lot of things, especially fear. "I think I had a lot of fear about everything, and I have come to see how negatively fear influences me," he says softly. 'I try to reduce how I feel about taking chances. This part really requires me to be aggressive and show my anger and make hot choices and be volatile. I can't be afraid to go there as an actor. I have always found that the roles that have come my way have always coincided with my spiritual path as a person. They coincided with the lessons that I try to teach myself in my life."

What did Stewart used to fear most? He answers the question frankly and honestly, as expected. "I used to fear failure. I used to fear what other people thought of me. I used to fear the unexpected. Those were my biggest fears, and they can be very paralyzing. As a result, when I had those fears I was less willing to take risks. It is a lifelong process, but I feel further down the road than I was in my past."

Stewart pauses, then elaborates. "Fear is the opposite of love, and it requires a shift in perception and how you will choose things and circumstances. If I choose to look at them with fear, then that is how I will choose. That is how I try to live. It is difficult and demanding. Everything basically boils down to two things: fear and love. Other emotions we experience stem from those two. It is a big decision to choose not to respond to a situation with anger when your entire being is telling you to. Anger is an expression of fear. It takes a lot of bravery not to answer with anger, if that is how you have been trained to respond to certain situations. For example, it is great to play a character like this because I get to be angry all I want; I get to explore that side of myself and nobody gets hurt. It is an imaginary situation and safe environment. I am always conscious that I am not hurting someone, and I am able to explore the full extent of emotions that I used to express."

Because he's so easygoing, it's difficult to picture Stewart getting angry about anything. "I'll just say this: I was an angry youth. Oh, great, that will probably be your quote now!" he says, laughing. "Once I started learning about the consequences of angry actions and that there is such a thing as karma, I started to make conscious decisions to change that."

Out of curiosity, at the end of our conversation, I ask Stewart what book he was reading when I sat down with him. The Seat of the Soul, he says—the Gary Zukav book that examines human evolution in a new form and the alignment of the personality with the soul. I'm not surprised.

— Mark McGarry